I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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