I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think my fart just growled at me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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