singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
