We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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