My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
