is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
