don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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