Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
