He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
