dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They took my balls.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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