so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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