He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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