So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
