I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
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