My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
