the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
