ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
