how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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