Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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