You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
