i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
