i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
