So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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