the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
