you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
