He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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