Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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