is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
