I can text with my tongue
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
