I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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