her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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