The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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