Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
