I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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