he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
