Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
