small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Panties = found
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
