Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
