easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I want a musical about memes.
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