Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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