I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
