i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
