I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Houston, we have a squirter
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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