Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
nutella sex= disaster
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
