If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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