Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
