Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Randomize
