i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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