I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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