my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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