I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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