tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
