A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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