STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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