I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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