Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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