Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
