You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
