I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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