Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
