hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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