I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You are a genius and a whore.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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