My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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