They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
