life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My feet surprised me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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