wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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