Farmville is her only friend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
