Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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