yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
